Its come to my attention . . . again. . . that our vow renewal is causing a riff in some things. I hope to clear up some issues with this post. Earlier this winter/spring, Shawn and I hit a difficult spot in our marriage. While each winter seems to be draining, this one followed a difficult summer/fall of having him lose his job and struggling for so long. Also, I was struggling much more with my health and it was becoming apparent that I am more dependent on him as I couldn't work full-time anymore. Doctors appointments became less and less hopeful and our relationship suffered.
Many things became apparent as we worked through things slowly:
1) we love each other
2) we made VOWS not only to each other, but to our Lord and Savior
3) we were going to fight for our marriage and for our family, priorities would change and we would focus on "us" rather than the swirling of "things" happening around us
4) we had a much different support system in place than we ever had before- our friends when we were "young and in love" were not the same friends that had supported us through some of the most trying of times in our marriage and health
5) we are so thankful for the broken road that has led us to the fruits we have today
A few things became apparent this week, some rudely, and some more subtle, so here are the questions and answers in case you are all inquiring:
1) Even though you are moving to Hays, are you really still going to have the vow renewal?
Uhm . . . yeh. Excuse my sarcasm, but we have planned this since the spring and already paid for our venue, DJ, outfits, and many of the decorations. This had been in the planning since before we knew my cousin was getting married the very next day. Why is it unthinkable to drive back from Hays (2 hours) to celebrate our love and renew our vows before our closest family and friends!? If you have a problem, consider yourself relieved of having to attend.
2) Why would you still have your vow renewal scheduled when your cousin is getting married the next day?
Hmmm . . . I don't know- can we not do something on our OWN and we would NEVER ask anyone to choose. By all means- I would ask that you be there for HIM if you did feel you had to choose! I'm just offended that you would think I was trying to over-rule or take that special day away from him. :( Shame!
3) Why spend so much money on a vow renewal when you are trying to get out of debt and now having to move and sell the house?
Well . . as stated above, this was planned well in advance of the news of the move, etc. We actually used money from our tax return to pay for the venue, outfits, DJ, and invitation pictures. With most of that taken care of back in FEBRUARY, we just have the last minute expenses of decorations and some simple catering.
4) Are you expecting gifts or money, is that why you are doing this?
This has to be the most offending question!!!! We are doing this for the sole purpose of renewing our vows. In fact, that is the hardest part of the whole planning is trying to think of a wording that actually gets a point across that we do NOT want gifts besides prayer and support for another blessed 10+ years! Right now, I'm open to suggestions, but some have suggested that we mark a charity for any contributions to be made to????
5) WHY?
Do you know that most people don't even remember their wedding vows, let alone repeat them in front of people ever again after their wedding. We feel like with the health that I've had and the prognosis as well as the trials we have been through, we need/want a reason to celebrate and THANK the people that are a blessing in our lives right now. We have so many family and friends right now that have helped us stay together and be a stronger couple. I have friends that are more of Christian sisters than the surface-level Facebook kind of friends that sometimes we don't even really know.
I want a day to rejoice for all we have been through- and its been a LOT. We conquered hatred, an early pregnancy, a sick baby, losing a job, moving, losing loved ones, and my ailing health. We have so many things to rejoice and celebrate such as our beautiful family, our blessings of friends, the marriage that God has given us and renewed in us. God has blessed us beyond what we deserve and we want to celebrate that with the people that have been with us the last few years to help us and watch this.
That being said, it is hurtful to know that there are many family (especially) and friends that are against us having our vow renewal. I know it is not something that is precedented in our family that I can remember. Maybe its not the traditional way of doing things. I've never had a drink at my wedding. Believe it or not- Shawn and I have NEVER shared a dance in the almost 10 years we have been married and I wanted this to be OUR dance. Not that we didn't have opportunities- but each wedding dance we attended it seems like one of us was dealing with kids or tired. :(
Another reason we feel so special is because this is our 10th Anniversary on August 10th and in case you missed it, but we try to celebrate the 10th of EVERY month with something special for our "anniversary". This year we feel is EXTRA special not just because of the special number 10, but because we have been reminded too many times over the past few years how incredibly short and special our life is. I don't know what else to do to have to rationalize or explain it to people that I would have thought would have been excited about this for us. Our kids are extremely excited for the party and we also thought it is a good time to say "see-you-laters" to our Riley friends.
Somehow, I don't really remember planning my first wedding but I remember how perfect it was. I know that Shawn and I worked about 5 jobs that summer between the two of us and we were determined to get married to live together. . . although we couldn't get married as soon as we would have preferred. I'm just tired of trying to defend this. So, if you'd like to be a naysayer. . . please just keep it to YOURSELF (not even sharing with my family!) and just maybe be happy for us that we have this happiness in our lives. You certainly do not have to attend or support us. We know our true supporters and that most of all is the Lord in whom we glorify and thank for this time.
Chance Family Happenings: This blog is an attempt to keep our family and friends updated with the goings on of our busy lives. It is a way to reflect, share, and cherish the memories that pass too quickly in time.
Showing posts with label wedding vows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding vows. Show all posts
Friday, June 8, 2012
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Happy 9th Anniversary- May the next many years be even better!
9 years, about 3950 days, 3 kids, a kazillion miles, 3 living addresses, 2 official vacations, 4 or 5 or 6 or more jobs, about that many vehicles. . . . and we are still together.
11 years ago, we were not even aware of each other and yet today, we have shown how truly meant for each other we were. We've been through some amazing times together as well as some very difficult times together. No matter how strong we are together, however, we would never make it anywhere in our relationship if it were not for a focus on the One the brought and keeps us together. God truly gets all the glory and honor for the work He has done. . . and we haven't made it easy on Him either, but I think He knew what he was doing when he brought us together.
I'll be honest and tell you we are really great together, but we are also normal and have been through many challenges in our marriage. It has gone through its ups and downs, but thankfully we have beat the odds! :) We have dealt with many deaths, illnesses, and financial issues. Honestly, any one of those could have rocked a marriage apart had it not been firmly grounded in our faith in the Lord. Shawn lost his job in May, and while it was not completely unexpected, we had to maintain that it was not the worst of days. I can handle losing a job, losing a best friend, losing a loved one, or dealing with immense stress, all of which we have had to do in the past few years, but I'm not sure I could deal as well with losing one of the loves of my life.
Its hard to find recent pictures of the two of us together. That makes me realize we have some work to do creating memories for when we have our 50th wedding anniversary! :) haha. Most of our pictures involve usually one of us with the kids but sometimes both of us with our babies. We have certainly grown together as parents and spouses with our three boys. God has taught us so much about faith and fellowship in His name as we parent through the trying times!
When we got engaged, it was very rocky at the start. While most everyone was so excited and happy for us, we had a few naysayers and protagonists in our love story. People who might have hoped so deeply for our love to fade or reality to split us apart. I wish they could see us now. I wish they could also know a love so grand as what God gives us for each other.
We decided to write our own vows for our wedding. Well, maybe I decided that and Shawn agreed. We talked about the traditional vows and the "obey" part and it just didn't fit what we believed. My vows were MUCH more long-winded than Shawn's, which if you know us, you would know how fitting that is.
My vows to Shawn, made public and before God on August 10th, 2002: "Shawn Lee Chance, I promise to truly love you with kindness, faithfulness, and respect, through every circumstance that our life together may bring. I will daily devote myself to support, encourage, comfort, and defend you, as together we face the coming moments of sorrow and joy, sickness and health, poverty and wealth. I promise that no matter what may come, I will remain devoted to you for as long as we both shall live. It is my wish that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit guide us and bless us each day from this moment forward. May we be united in mind, thought, and purpose before Christ." (no, I did not memorize it)
Shawn's vows to me on our wedding day: "Shauna Renee Everett, I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as we both shall live. Through the good times and the bad, through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer. I will always love you and be there for you. May Christ honor us throughout our lives together." (I told you mine was much more long-winded!)
Our world has been rocked. It has been shattered. We have hit bottom several times. It hasn't been easy having the trials that we have been through. However, as history repeats itself, we overcome our battles and trials and become stronger as individuals and as a couple.
As you can see, we have both changed, some for better and some for worse. We did not know 9 years ago that when we made those vows how quickly we would deal with illness or change. We also did not know how soon we would become parents and deal with stress, poverty, and daily struggles that parenting can bring. I have to brag and say I could not have chosen a better partner to become the father of my children. However, the bragging rights are not mine. I prayed for God to prepare my husband and he led me to Shawn. We truly believe God destined us to be together.
When we have our spats or arguements, it is some of the lonliest times as a stubborn wife. Shawn is my confidant and best friend. He's the one I want to talk to about my bad days and share my successes with.
We both know and believe we are "lucky." Shawn is an amazing husband and father. He surpasses expectations and is amazing.
Our wedding was such a memorable day. There were no jitters, scares, or second guesses. I don't know how to have empathy for others that go through last minute nerves before the 'big day.' Shawn and I never had that. We were so ready to 'be married.'
While this post is sappy enough, I just want to empahsize that things are not always as they seem. Life is not ever as you think it should be. And the grass is not always greener on another side. My illness has made me weary. It has sucked the life and the energy from me and made it difficult for me to be a good wife and mother. This is hard for me as I had so much promised to Shawn that I cannot fulfill. We are trying to get through this rough patch. I am trying to find hope, strength, and energy to love him like I used to- be there for him, do more thoughtful things for him, embrace him for what God made him to be. But right now, I fail at that and I can honestly admit that short-coming. Shawn has been an amazing partner, steadfast in his love and devotion to me. He is patient and caring. I love him very much and so am working hard to overcome this illness for the sake of my family. Through our faith, all things are possible, so I do ask that you continue to pray for us all. Thank you!
11 years ago, we were not even aware of each other and yet today, we have shown how truly meant for each other we were. We've been through some amazing times together as well as some very difficult times together. No matter how strong we are together, however, we would never make it anywhere in our relationship if it were not for a focus on the One the brought and keeps us together. God truly gets all the glory and honor for the work He has done. . . and we haven't made it easy on Him either, but I think He knew what he was doing when he brought us together.
I'll be honest and tell you we are really great together, but we are also normal and have been through many challenges in our marriage. It has gone through its ups and downs, but thankfully we have beat the odds! :) We have dealt with many deaths, illnesses, and financial issues. Honestly, any one of those could have rocked a marriage apart had it not been firmly grounded in our faith in the Lord. Shawn lost his job in May, and while it was not completely unexpected, we had to maintain that it was not the worst of days. I can handle losing a job, losing a best friend, losing a loved one, or dealing with immense stress, all of which we have had to do in the past few years, but I'm not sure I could deal as well with losing one of the loves of my life.
Its hard to find recent pictures of the two of us together. That makes me realize we have some work to do creating memories for when we have our 50th wedding anniversary! :) haha. Most of our pictures involve usually one of us with the kids but sometimes both of us with our babies. We have certainly grown together as parents and spouses with our three boys. God has taught us so much about faith and fellowship in His name as we parent through the trying times!
When we got engaged, it was very rocky at the start. While most everyone was so excited and happy for us, we had a few naysayers and protagonists in our love story. People who might have hoped so deeply for our love to fade or reality to split us apart. I wish they could see us now. I wish they could also know a love so grand as what God gives us for each other.
We decided to write our own vows for our wedding. Well, maybe I decided that and Shawn agreed. We talked about the traditional vows and the "obey" part and it just didn't fit what we believed. My vows were MUCH more long-winded than Shawn's, which if you know us, you would know how fitting that is.
My vows to Shawn, made public and before God on August 10th, 2002: "Shawn Lee Chance, I promise to truly love you with kindness, faithfulness, and respect, through every circumstance that our life together may bring. I will daily devote myself to support, encourage, comfort, and defend you, as together we face the coming moments of sorrow and joy, sickness and health, poverty and wealth. I promise that no matter what may come, I will remain devoted to you for as long as we both shall live. It is my wish that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit guide us and bless us each day from this moment forward. May we be united in mind, thought, and purpose before Christ." (no, I did not memorize it)
Shawn's vows to me on our wedding day: "Shauna Renee Everett, I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as we both shall live. Through the good times and the bad, through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer. I will always love you and be there for you. May Christ honor us throughout our lives together." (I told you mine was much more long-winded!)
Our world has been rocked. It has been shattered. We have hit bottom several times. It hasn't been easy having the trials that we have been through. However, as history repeats itself, we overcome our battles and trials and become stronger as individuals and as a couple.
As you can see, we have both changed, some for better and some for worse. We did not know 9 years ago that when we made those vows how quickly we would deal with illness or change. We also did not know how soon we would become parents and deal with stress, poverty, and daily struggles that parenting can bring. I have to brag and say I could not have chosen a better partner to become the father of my children. However, the bragging rights are not mine. I prayed for God to prepare my husband and he led me to Shawn. We truly believe God destined us to be together.
When we have our spats or arguements, it is some of the lonliest times as a stubborn wife. Shawn is my confidant and best friend. He's the one I want to talk to about my bad days and share my successes with.
We both know and believe we are "lucky." Shawn is an amazing husband and father. He surpasses expectations and is amazing.
Our wedding was such a memorable day. There were no jitters, scares, or second guesses. I don't know how to have empathy for others that go through last minute nerves before the 'big day.' Shawn and I never had that. We were so ready to 'be married.'
While this post is sappy enough, I just want to empahsize that things are not always as they seem. Life is not ever as you think it should be. And the grass is not always greener on another side. My illness has made me weary. It has sucked the life and the energy from me and made it difficult for me to be a good wife and mother. This is hard for me as I had so much promised to Shawn that I cannot fulfill. We are trying to get through this rough patch. I am trying to find hope, strength, and energy to love him like I used to- be there for him, do more thoughtful things for him, embrace him for what God made him to be. But right now, I fail at that and I can honestly admit that short-coming. Shawn has been an amazing partner, steadfast in his love and devotion to me. He is patient and caring. I love him very much and so am working hard to overcome this illness for the sake of my family. Through our faith, all things are possible, so I do ask that you continue to pray for us all. Thank you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)