I. Need. Prayers.
This is Day 2 on the heart rate monitor and I'm failing miserably. I feel like the biggest complainer in history and I know Satan is attacking me in my emotions. I am not only fighting a physical battle, but a huge mental and emotional battle as I try so hard to do "normal" mom stuff. Yesterday, I crashed twice. I don't remember what I was doing, but I was soon asleep and the rest didn't even help- it just was nice to be horizontal and let my heart rest. Today, I've fought it by sitting down mostly, but I just can't take it much more. My heart wasn't too tachycardic today and I was still awful. It gives me a terrible feeling that taking the tachycardia away might not really help me feel better. There is such a huge risk and not enough of a sure possibility.
I feel so much like I need to explain myself to others. I'm constantly comparing myself to the moms that I've made friends with here (which I fail miserably). I have NO idea how my marriage survives the horrible highs and lows of this illness. I just know that Shawn is an amazing person and I truly am blessed. I try to NEVER cry or really bawl in front of my kids about this illness (they see me cry over books, movies, etc.). Today was an exception and I hated to see the sadness in their eyes. They immediately went from fighting and playing to hugging me and asking me how they can love me more.
FIVE more days- the hives will more than likely get worse since I'm allergic to the adhesive on the stickers. I have an appointment Monday with the cardiologist for no apparent reason besides a check-up. I have NO idea what else I need checked on since he doesn't take my monitor- I have to mail it. So, I feel anxious and apprehensive about the appointment, feeling very unprepared and wondering what sort of news we will get.
I. Need. Prayers. I covet prayers. I would love if you had any encouraging words to please email me: schance@hotmail.com . I used to have scripture memorized and used as my mantra most days but my brain fog is awful lately so I'm lucky if I can remember anything. I'm grateful for my prayer warriors and also grateful for a God that blesses me beyond what I deserve. Tomorrow will be a new day- Day. 3.
Chance Family Happenings: This blog is an attempt to keep our family and friends updated with the goings on of our busy lives. It is a way to reflect, share, and cherish the memories that pass too quickly in time.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Life
I am continuously attached to the heart monitor. It's good because I've had tachycardia all day but I did cave in this morning and take a nap. I have a feeling I'm going to crash bad by the end of this monitor testing. It's hard to stay vertical all day. ;( I had no idea how hard it is until I tried to do that today. Malachi and I stayed busy- spending time at the museum, going to the library, stopping by the church, and finally picking up the kids from school. Every ounce of my body hurts and I warned Shawn that I may not be bearable within a few days.
The insomnia is taking hold and so last night I baked 3different kinds of cookies. We took them to the museum this morning. I love doing things for other people. The cardiologist office called this morning and want me to go back in a week for a follow-up. My monitor results won't be done by then so I'm a little apprehensive as to why I need to go in. I'm wondering if he consulted with the Mayo clinic and will take back the offer to fix my heart. I don't know though so I'm just going to pray and try to find comfort in Gods plan for me.
The insomnia is taking hold and so last night I baked 3different kinds of cookies. We took them to the museum this morning. I love doing things for other people. The cardiologist office called this morning and want me to go back in a week for a follow-up. My monitor results won't be done by then so I'm a little apprehensive as to why I need to go in. I'm wondering if he consulted with the Mayo clinic and will take back the offer to fix my heart. I don't know though so I'm just going to pray and try to find comfort in Gods plan for me.
LOOOOONG Sad Day
I don't have pictures to post today, so if that's the main reason to visit the blog, come back another day. (I know this means you mom!) As a reading specialist, I'm also a writer, though quite disorganized with my brain fog lately.
Today I woke up regretting the exercise I did yesterday. In a spur of the moment, Shawn and I decided to try the "Terror on the Trails" at the museum. It wasn't a long walk, but it was a little too long for me. I had a rough time last night trying to get my heart rate to resting. By the time I did get it to resting, I didn't hear my alarm to get the boys to school. So, I'm going to take my name off the ballot this year as "Mom of the Year" as once more, I've completely failed at doing a simple task of getting my kids to school ON TIME! To think- I used to be the teacher preaching about how important it was to get the kids on-time, which I do still hold true, but wow- all the more guilty I felt this morning as we rushed to school 15 minutes late. :(
After all the racing around and headache of that, I came back home and went immediately to lie down. My heart hurt so bad and I was so lightheaded I might not have been as safe of a driver as I should have been. Shawn was up when Kelsie came to get Malachi for the day. She is such a God-send in our lives. I can't even express our gratitude for what she does. Malachi is such an active little boy and he loves all the things they do together.
I recieved a phone call from an old(er) (hehe Jana) friend, one that I don't normally get phone calls from during school hours because she teaches still. She informed me that a mutual friend had been found, deceased. It broke my heart. I texted some of my other friends and they hadn't wanted to tell me so I wouldn't get worked up before my cardiology appt today, which I appreciated, but I just felt a hole ripped out of my heart. Flo was a 1st grade teacher and she was a fighter! Flo and I had MANY MANY MANY conversations about our health as we both faced many of the same issues. She just celebrated her 50th birthday in May and was excited to reach such a milestone. I told her that I felt the same way for celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary. Being through so much really gives you a new perspective on life. I loved Flo. She was a shoulder to cry on MANY times when some of the same people were being mean to both of us because of our disabilities. Flo had fight in her though and would stand up for herself most of the time, but I know she hurt deeply with what some of our "friends" said. I know she wanted more than anything to have EMPATHY toward others. Instead we worked in an environment that fostered hostility and snide remarks directed at us. I hope to see Flo again some day.
Finally, I had my cardiology appointment this afternoon. The doctor was very thorough and he soon realized that this wasn't our first rodeo. He had read through many of the notes and knew most of my other cardiologists. Here's an interesting shocker- (not to us really, because we had our suspicions about Dr. Val, but maybe you might thing it is) Dr. Val (from Galachia Heart hospital in Wichita) ablated the WRONG node of my heart! He was the one that I REALLY REALLY REALLY disliked, but was so stinkin desparate to feel better that I let myself go under his knife/laser. :(
So, this doctor again confirmed that we have tried everything he would have suggested and that most methods and medicines have worked for a small amount of time and then lost effectiveness. The medicine I am currently on is a bit toxic so I need to keep my chemical balances in check pretty often. The doctor looked at some of my pulse rates, especially a few that went higher than 100+ beats per minute in less than 20 minutes from being out of bed. I have been so sick and tired lately that my quality of life is diminishing. He discussed that POTS is not a cardiology issue and he wouldn't be able to fix me. I understood that and agreed with what he was saying. He said one of the best options right now is for a pacemaker- something that the Mayo clinic was STRONGLY against. The problem isn't my heart- it is my autonomic nervous system. However, my main symptom that is disabling is my heart rate. It keeps me from doing MANY things because it makes me so exhausted. So- we will prayerfully consider this as we wait for my seven day heart rate test results to come back. More than likely the surgery will be in KU Med or Denver. (Hoping KU so maybe I could get some pretty awesome KU gear!) :) So we are hurrying up and waiting. Another thing that we need to consider is my age. . . . must I admit that I am 30? This seems such a young age, yet to me I feel like I'm 80. I certainly drive a shopping cart slower than most elderly. :( Having a pacemaker is a no-turning-back type of deal. I will be dependent on that for the rest of my life. As I told the doctor, well, the prognosis hasn't been good for POTS either and I'm stuck with that for the rest of my life. He agreed that it was much more hopeful to try to fix the problem now than to wait (which is what the other cardiologists were doing- trying to buy time into my old age. . . ). :(
Please continue to pray. That is all I ask for right now- prayers and maybe some words of encouragement. I'm dragging but I know God will carry me through this. Thanks.
Now, if you'd like pictures or missed my "Story" from Facebook, here it is. I'm pretty sure you have to be on a computer to watch it- not available on a mobile device. http://youtu.be/Ii0ARC_2f_8
Today I woke up regretting the exercise I did yesterday. In a spur of the moment, Shawn and I decided to try the "Terror on the Trails" at the museum. It wasn't a long walk, but it was a little too long for me. I had a rough time last night trying to get my heart rate to resting. By the time I did get it to resting, I didn't hear my alarm to get the boys to school. So, I'm going to take my name off the ballot this year as "Mom of the Year" as once more, I've completely failed at doing a simple task of getting my kids to school ON TIME! To think- I used to be the teacher preaching about how important it was to get the kids on-time, which I do still hold true, but wow- all the more guilty I felt this morning as we rushed to school 15 minutes late. :(
After all the racing around and headache of that, I came back home and went immediately to lie down. My heart hurt so bad and I was so lightheaded I might not have been as safe of a driver as I should have been. Shawn was up when Kelsie came to get Malachi for the day. She is such a God-send in our lives. I can't even express our gratitude for what she does. Malachi is such an active little boy and he loves all the things they do together.
I recieved a phone call from an old(er) (hehe Jana) friend, one that I don't normally get phone calls from during school hours because she teaches still. She informed me that a mutual friend had been found, deceased. It broke my heart. I texted some of my other friends and they hadn't wanted to tell me so I wouldn't get worked up before my cardiology appt today, which I appreciated, but I just felt a hole ripped out of my heart. Flo was a 1st grade teacher and she was a fighter! Flo and I had MANY MANY MANY conversations about our health as we both faced many of the same issues. She just celebrated her 50th birthday in May and was excited to reach such a milestone. I told her that I felt the same way for celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary. Being through so much really gives you a new perspective on life. I loved Flo. She was a shoulder to cry on MANY times when some of the same people were being mean to both of us because of our disabilities. Flo had fight in her though and would stand up for herself most of the time, but I know she hurt deeply with what some of our "friends" said. I know she wanted more than anything to have EMPATHY toward others. Instead we worked in an environment that fostered hostility and snide remarks directed at us. I hope to see Flo again some day.
Finally, I had my cardiology appointment this afternoon. The doctor was very thorough and he soon realized that this wasn't our first rodeo. He had read through many of the notes and knew most of my other cardiologists. Here's an interesting shocker- (not to us really, because we had our suspicions about Dr. Val, but maybe you might thing it is) Dr. Val (from Galachia Heart hospital in Wichita) ablated the WRONG node of my heart! He was the one that I REALLY REALLY REALLY disliked, but was so stinkin desparate to feel better that I let myself go under his knife/laser. :(
So, this doctor again confirmed that we have tried everything he would have suggested and that most methods and medicines have worked for a small amount of time and then lost effectiveness. The medicine I am currently on is a bit toxic so I need to keep my chemical balances in check pretty often. The doctor looked at some of my pulse rates, especially a few that went higher than 100+ beats per minute in less than 20 minutes from being out of bed. I have been so sick and tired lately that my quality of life is diminishing. He discussed that POTS is not a cardiology issue and he wouldn't be able to fix me. I understood that and agreed with what he was saying. He said one of the best options right now is for a pacemaker- something that the Mayo clinic was STRONGLY against. The problem isn't my heart- it is my autonomic nervous system. However, my main symptom that is disabling is my heart rate. It keeps me from doing MANY things because it makes me so exhausted. So- we will prayerfully consider this as we wait for my seven day heart rate test results to come back. More than likely the surgery will be in KU Med or Denver. (Hoping KU so maybe I could get some pretty awesome KU gear!) :) So we are hurrying up and waiting. Another thing that we need to consider is my age. . . . must I admit that I am 30? This seems such a young age, yet to me I feel like I'm 80. I certainly drive a shopping cart slower than most elderly. :( Having a pacemaker is a no-turning-back type of deal. I will be dependent on that for the rest of my life. As I told the doctor, well, the prognosis hasn't been good for POTS either and I'm stuck with that for the rest of my life. He agreed that it was much more hopeful to try to fix the problem now than to wait (which is what the other cardiologists were doing- trying to buy time into my old age. . . ). :(
Please continue to pray. That is all I ask for right now- prayers and maybe some words of encouragement. I'm dragging but I know God will carry me through this. Thanks.
Now, if you'd like pictures or missed my "Story" from Facebook, here it is. I'm pretty sure you have to be on a computer to watch it- not available on a mobile device. http://youtu.be/Ii0ARC_2f_8
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Running on Nothing
This past week, I think I've gotten little spurts of energy, but they haven't lasted very long and I'm completely exhausted should I do anything while I do have energy. I've tried (and failed) to make two Wal-Mart trips by myself. I hate limitations but I also hate how I start bawling in the middle of Wal-Mart because I get so lightheaded and disoriented yet need to finish my shopping. My heart starts beating so fast no matter how slow I walk and I just feel like I'm not going to make it. While I haven't always liked Wal-Mart, I started to realize that instead of running to 2-3 different stores, it might be easier for me to get my shopping done at one store. Generally I despise WalMart for the crowds and the amount of walking it takes to get all my supplies. Today, I was walking much slower than a turtle, just wishing I could sit down to shop. :( I used to love shopping.
Last week, Shawn took me in to the ER because I was VERY lightheaded and hadn't had a resting heartrate in about 3 days. I was EXHAUSTED. They ran tests and realized some of my chemical levels were off so helped me with that and prescribed some things to help. I still need to get IV's right now since my body get dehydrated soooo easily. I wasn't a big fan of the ER dr. He obviously had no interest in helping me lower my heart rate so I could rest for the evening and he didn't seem to think that any of my conditions were life-threatening (which they technically weren't, but I needed to get them fixed). I was soooo dehydrated despite having 2 liters of fluid just before I went into the ER!
In other happenings, Malachi has been studying snakes still. We did let his brown snake go so it could find a nice winter home. This was a little difficult for him, but we managed! :)
Malachi likes to go with Kelsie in the mornings so I can get over my "sickness" time. She is an amazing person that God brought into our lives. I can't thank her enough for how much she helps us!
Friday, we went home to my family physician dr. Our family loves him and his staff. Here is Malachi on the table, reading and staying close to his snake memorabilia.
Shawn kept the boys busy with his apps on his phone.
After the appointment, I was fortunate to stop and see one of my best friends and her new baby. Samuel is growing up so fast! I love babies and he was in such a happy mood.
Speaking of babies- My newest nephew made his arrival last week as well. He was born Thursday, October 25th and made my sister's family more exciting. She already has Brienna who will soon be 2 in November. Liam James is so precious and I love him so much already. I hope I can meet him soon. The long travel is what is holding me back. It kills my back and my energy to travel.
Today, we missed church, again. I HATE that! It didn't used to bother me as much, but now the kids are really loving it and getting spiritually fed. Shawn was running a fever this morning and I honestly did not have the strength today to get the kids out the door by myself. Sometimes I feel so lightheaded that it's really not safe for me to drive. :( Then I go through my Sunday feeling angry, bitter, and full of regret. We need to be more regular in our church attendance and I feel like just when we started to get better about going, this illness flared its evil side and we are back to being home-bound unless I have the energy to withstand it all. :(
Last week, Shawn took me in to the ER because I was VERY lightheaded and hadn't had a resting heartrate in about 3 days. I was EXHAUSTED. They ran tests and realized some of my chemical levels were off so helped me with that and prescribed some things to help. I still need to get IV's right now since my body get dehydrated soooo easily. I wasn't a big fan of the ER dr. He obviously had no interest in helping me lower my heart rate so I could rest for the evening and he didn't seem to think that any of my conditions were life-threatening (which they technically weren't, but I needed to get them fixed). I was soooo dehydrated despite having 2 liters of fluid just before I went into the ER!
In other happenings, Malachi has been studying snakes still. We did let his brown snake go so it could find a nice winter home. This was a little difficult for him, but we managed! :)
Malachi likes to go with Kelsie in the mornings so I can get over my "sickness" time. She is an amazing person that God brought into our lives. I can't thank her enough for how much she helps us!
Friday, we went home to my family physician dr. Our family loves him and his staff. Here is Malachi on the table, reading and staying close to his snake memorabilia.
Shawn kept the boys busy with his apps on his phone.
After the appointment, I was fortunate to stop and see one of my best friends and her new baby. Samuel is growing up so fast! I love babies and he was in such a happy mood.
Speaking of babies- My newest nephew made his arrival last week as well. He was born Thursday, October 25th and made my sister's family more exciting. She already has Brienna who will soon be 2 in November. Liam James is so precious and I love him so much already. I hope I can meet him soon. The long travel is what is holding me back. It kills my back and my energy to travel.
Today, we missed church, again. I HATE that! It didn't used to bother me as much, but now the kids are really loving it and getting spiritually fed. Shawn was running a fever this morning and I honestly did not have the strength today to get the kids out the door by myself. Sometimes I feel so lightheaded that it's really not safe for me to drive. :( Then I go through my Sunday feeling angry, bitter, and full of regret. We need to be more regular in our church attendance and I feel like just when we started to get better about going, this illness flared its evil side and we are back to being home-bound unless I have the energy to withstand it all. :(
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
My Story
I am not sure how this will work or how it uploaded, but YouTube was having a bit of an issue. Many of my POTsie friends have made videos of "their story" or some of them even have their own YouTube channel. I thought- I need to tell my story. I'm full of words, as you can tell from this blog. :) This video is LONG (if it works), and its about as sporadic as my brain is functioning these days. Today was a few steps back, but I'll regain that ground eventually. . . someday.
Please let me know what you think.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Getting worse
If you keep up with my Facebook you know that I've been really struggling with my deteriorating health. I don't know if I'm fighting something like a virus or if it just a flare-up. For the last 3 nights I've laid in bed with tachycardia even after trying to sleep, taking my medicines, and getting more fluids. So having tachycardia laying down means its is tremendously worse when I'm upright. I finally am ready to give in and go to the hospital if they can help. I just don't know what to do with my boys. It gets so complicated, which is the main reason I haven't gone. I do have a cardiology consult on the 29th and am praying that this dr is as good as he's been spoken of and possibly he is familiar with my illness.
This is me tonight. My body temp regulation is also off big time. I've had shorts and a t-shirt and then sweats and 2 shirts and a hoodie! My fingers even turned blue! ;) please pray .... I'm working on "my story" to share. It's something a lot of my POTsie friends have done and is quite therapeutic. I just haven't been out of bed much to work on it.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Maybe a Tradition?
This past weekend was the annual fall get-together for my mom's side of the family. Since she was one of 13 kids, its always such a fun time and we are all still close (thanks to Facebook) and enjoy the times together. Grandma and Grandpa have been gone for a few years now but the memories we have from their farm are just numerous and cherished. Unfortunately I haven't felt well for about 2 weeks now so I made the decision later (at the last minute according to Shawn) that I just wasn't strong enough to make the trip and it would take too much accommodations for me to be able to go. So, I sent a spare camera (that wasn't used) and I told my boys to give everyone my love.
There is just something about the farm-life or country that I love! I grew up on a farm, riding my horse in the nature and beauty that God has given us. There is just something with the simplicity and getting away from buildings, noise, and the city-life. To say that I was disappointed that I didn't get to go was a MAJOR understatement. We moved out here this summer, knowing that my health was getting worse to the point that I could not teach full-time anymore. I had accepted that. We knew that with this new job and selling our house, Shawn would be able to help me more as well as be around home more to be with the boys. I miss the rest of my support system though - many of my Bible Study girls and my family. We are now 2 hours from them (which doesn't seem like much in comparison to when we asked God to make us missionaries in a different country), but it is hard not seeing them and leaning on them when I need to. It's incredibly difficult to make friends now with how unpredictable my days are and also not wanting to seem really drab- not being able to stand much for going on field trips or whatnot. :(
Ok- back to the family- well, last year when we went to the get-together, we found a snake on the short 2 mile trip from my parents to my grandparents homestead. This weekend, they found a snake at the house, in the garage. It was smaller than last years, but Malachi still found a friend. He just had to bring it home so that he could show me. We will soon let him lose since the poor thing has to wonder where he is. :(
I desparately ask for prayers of healing. My previous cardiologist (from Wichita) moved and I decided to not find a new one, deciding that they never really had a good prognosis anyway, so why bother. However, this set-back has been quite scary and exhausting so I did get in with a great (from word of mouth) cardiologist here in Hays. I am praying that he will provide me with something to help my heart, but since my heart is not the real "problem" and just part of the symptoms, I try to not get my hopes up. I know the ultimate Healer and He has brought me this far. I have been getting IV's more often to keep my blood pressure up but my heart rate hasn't been wanting to get low enough to allow me any restorative or restful sleep. Thus, I'm getting weaker by the day and starting to lose a little of the hope as I just feel ran over.
There is just something about the farm-life or country that I love! I grew up on a farm, riding my horse in the nature and beauty that God has given us. There is just something with the simplicity and getting away from buildings, noise, and the city-life. To say that I was disappointed that I didn't get to go was a MAJOR understatement. We moved out here this summer, knowing that my health was getting worse to the point that I could not teach full-time anymore. I had accepted that. We knew that with this new job and selling our house, Shawn would be able to help me more as well as be around home more to be with the boys. I miss the rest of my support system though - many of my Bible Study girls and my family. We are now 2 hours from them (which doesn't seem like much in comparison to when we asked God to make us missionaries in a different country), but it is hard not seeing them and leaning on them when I need to. It's incredibly difficult to make friends now with how unpredictable my days are and also not wanting to seem really drab- not being able to stand much for going on field trips or whatnot. :(
Ok- back to the family- well, last year when we went to the get-together, we found a snake on the short 2 mile trip from my parents to my grandparents homestead. This weekend, they found a snake at the house, in the garage. It was smaller than last years, but Malachi still found a friend. He just had to bring it home so that he could show me. We will soon let him lose since the poor thing has to wonder where he is. :(
I desparately ask for prayers of healing. My previous cardiologist (from Wichita) moved and I decided to not find a new one, deciding that they never really had a good prognosis anyway, so why bother. However, this set-back has been quite scary and exhausting so I did get in with a great (from word of mouth) cardiologist here in Hays. I am praying that he will provide me with something to help my heart, but since my heart is not the real "problem" and just part of the symptoms, I try to not get my hopes up. I know the ultimate Healer and He has brought me this far. I have been getting IV's more often to keep my blood pressure up but my heart rate hasn't been wanting to get low enough to allow me any restorative or restful sleep. Thus, I'm getting weaker by the day and starting to lose a little of the hope as I just feel ran over.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Boys and Snakes
Malachi is still very interested in SNAKES- especially the rattlesnakes. He was given a timber rattlesnake skin last week and he LOVES it. We have to remind him that its not for playing with- just for looking at. He also has earned enough money from doing chores, to be able to buy his own play snake at the gift shop. He didn't even chose a rattlesnake! :) He bought a king snake- one of the snakes that eats rattlesnakes.
The weather has been beautiful. God has blessed us with a nice break from the awful summer. In the evenings, Malachi likes to hunt bugs, spiders, and snakes. I do dread the day he screams "I found a snake" and it is true. :(
Saturday morning, Zachary was attending an educational program at the museum. It was a little chilly out and they let us hold Maynard, the kingsnake they use for education. He was wanting to cuddle up to get warm. Logan wasn't as thrilled holding him, but Malachi really loved him. He was a very kind, gentle snake.
The Rattlesnake bowling team had a win as well. Keaton, Malachi and Logan did great during their league bowling Saturday morning. It really is exhausting just watching Malachi hit gutter balls, but this time he had a score of 6 at the end of the game!
I found some "snake" books from my teaching materials. Kids (espeically boys) tend to really like nonfiction.
The weather has been beautiful. God has blessed us with a nice break from the awful summer. In the evenings, Malachi likes to hunt bugs, spiders, and snakes. I do dread the day he screams "I found a snake" and it is true. :(
Saturday morning, Zachary was attending an educational program at the museum. It was a little chilly out and they let us hold Maynard, the kingsnake they use for education. He was wanting to cuddle up to get warm. Logan wasn't as thrilled holding him, but Malachi really loved him. He was a very kind, gentle snake.
The Rattlesnake bowling team had a win as well. Keaton, Malachi and Logan did great during their league bowling Saturday morning. It really is exhausting just watching Malachi hit gutter balls, but this time he had a score of 6 at the end of the game!
I found some "snake" books from my teaching materials. Kids (espeically boys) tend to really like nonfiction.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Where oh Where is Time going!?
We have had a BUSY BUSY BUSY schedule the last few weeks. I have tried to sign us up for everything possible and that only leaves a very burned out family. :( The kids are loving cub scouts and have sold some popcorn to help with camp expenses. Also, the boys have been doing after-school science program at the school (they have student teachers that teach it each week as part of their practicum). Ahhh- I remember those days! :) Malachi and I mostly enjoy our days together. He's pretty darn attached to me, which I hope doesn't turn sour next year and create melt-downs in kindergarten. I am so happy to create more memories with my boys and hope that they know how much I love love love them!!!!! Shawn LOVES his new job and is starting to get it down pat! :)
Here are some pictures from when we went back to Milford a few weeks ago. It was a rushed weekend but it was fun to see friends and family. The traveling is getting harder for me to do. I pray so much for healing. I want to drive to Blue Springs soon to meet my new neice or nephew that is due soon and I'd love to have a pain-free drive and not crash (physically- not the car) for days afterward.
Brienna loved her snake that we bought her. Malachi and Brienna are almost exactly alike. They are sooo 2 of a kind! :)
Holy Batman! Tarin turned 4! Love that boy!
Miss Treya knows she's the cutie. I miss her a lot too!
Malachi wanted a picture with all the snakes he was playing with at the museum.
Best buds!
Brienna LOVES kitties!
I miss my baby. She was so happy to see us when we were home.
As an aunt, I often get the spoiling priveledges. I LOVE LOVE LOVE cotton candy, and so do my neices and nephews!!!! :)
Today my parents came to visit and deliver some furniture. Zach has a neat new bed and dresser. We now also have a spare bed in case we get company (hint, hint friends!!!!).
I've had a rough day today with my health. My heart has hurt immensely the past couple days and I am not sure why it hurts the way it does and for as long as it does. My dr is getting me set up with a cardiology consult here in Hays, but I'm a little reluctant since I hate the news everytime and I usually spend the whole way home crying, wishing they could help or give a better prognosis. I fight every day to keep going and get through the angry moments. I want to do something inspiring and encouraging for others yet I would be such a hypocrite since I am not that way myself. :( It breaks my heart that the boys realize more and more when I am sick and especially Malachi- since he's only known me as a sick momma. I want to keep searching in hopes that maybe they misdiagnosed me (a dozen times) and maybe there really could be a cure. So many people that I've known through the support groups have passed on during this time of year and they were barely into their 30's. While I know that we never know our time or our way of death, it terrifies me to leave things unsaid or undone. I appreciate the prayers and words of encouragement. I love when friends call and I can just laugh at anything with them. It makes me feel more alive and useful. I know God is in control and He ultimately gives and takes away. I'm just trying to remain hopeful and faithful.
Here are some pictures from when we went back to Milford a few weeks ago. It was a rushed weekend but it was fun to see friends and family. The traveling is getting harder for me to do. I pray so much for healing. I want to drive to Blue Springs soon to meet my new neice or nephew that is due soon and I'd love to have a pain-free drive and not crash (physically- not the car) for days afterward.
Brienna loved her snake that we bought her. Malachi and Brienna are almost exactly alike. They are sooo 2 of a kind! :)
Holy Batman! Tarin turned 4! Love that boy!
Miss Treya knows she's the cutie. I miss her a lot too!
Malachi wanted a picture with all the snakes he was playing with at the museum.
Best buds!
Brienna LOVES kitties!
I miss my baby. She was so happy to see us when we were home.
As an aunt, I often get the spoiling priveledges. I LOVE LOVE LOVE cotton candy, and so do my neices and nephews!!!! :)
Today my parents came to visit and deliver some furniture. Zach has a neat new bed and dresser. We now also have a spare bed in case we get company (hint, hint friends!!!!).
I've had a rough day today with my health. My heart has hurt immensely the past couple days and I am not sure why it hurts the way it does and for as long as it does. My dr is getting me set up with a cardiology consult here in Hays, but I'm a little reluctant since I hate the news everytime and I usually spend the whole way home crying, wishing they could help or give a better prognosis. I fight every day to keep going and get through the angry moments. I want to do something inspiring and encouraging for others yet I would be such a hypocrite since I am not that way myself. :( It breaks my heart that the boys realize more and more when I am sick and especially Malachi- since he's only known me as a sick momma. I want to keep searching in hopes that maybe they misdiagnosed me (a dozen times) and maybe there really could be a cure. So many people that I've known through the support groups have passed on during this time of year and they were barely into their 30's. While I know that we never know our time or our way of death, it terrifies me to leave things unsaid or undone. I appreciate the prayers and words of encouragement. I love when friends call and I can just laugh at anything with them. It makes me feel more alive and useful. I know God is in control and He ultimately gives and takes away. I'm just trying to remain hopeful and faithful.
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