The Elephant- Our Vow Renewal

Its come to my attention . . . again. . . that our vow renewal is causing a riff in some things. I hope to clear up some issues with this post. Earlier this winter/spring, Shawn and I hit a difficult spot in our marriage. While each winter seems to be draining, this one followed a difficult summer/fall of having him lose his job and struggling for so long. Also, I was struggling much more with my health and it was becoming apparent that I am more dependent on him as I couldn't work full-time anymore. Doctors appointments became less and less hopeful and our relationship suffered.

Many things became apparent as we worked through things slowly:
1) we love each other
2) we made VOWS not only to each other, but to our Lord and Savior
3) we were going to fight for our marriage and for our family, priorities would change and we would focus on "us" rather than the swirling of "things" happening around us
4) we had a much different support system in place than we ever had before- our friends when we were "young and in love" were not the same friends that had supported us through some of the most trying of times in our marriage and health
5) we are so thankful for the broken road that has led us to the fruits we have today

A few things became apparent this week, some rudely, and some more subtle, so here are the questions and answers in case you are all inquiring:

1) Even though you are moving to Hays, are you really still going to have the vow renewal?
Uhm . . . yeh. Excuse my sarcasm, but we have planned this since the spring and already paid for our venue, DJ, outfits, and many of the decorations. This had been in the planning since before we knew my cousin was getting married the very next day. Why is it unthinkable to drive back from Hays (2 hours) to celebrate our love and renew our vows before our closest family and friends!? If you have a problem, consider yourself relieved of having to attend.

2) Why would you still have your vow renewal scheduled when your cousin is getting married the next day?
Hmmm . . . I don't know- can we not do something on our OWN and we would NEVER ask anyone to choose. By all means- I would ask that you be there for HIM if you did feel you had to choose! I'm just offended that you would think I was trying to over-rule or take that special day away from him. :( Shame!

3) Why spend so much money on a vow renewal when you are trying to get out of debt and now having to move and sell the house?
Well . . as stated above, this was planned well in advance of the news of the move, etc. We actually used money from our tax return to pay for the venue, outfits, DJ, and invitation pictures. With most of that taken care of back in FEBRUARY, we just have the last minute expenses of decorations and some simple catering.

4) Are you expecting gifts or money, is that why you are doing this?
This has to be the most offending question!!!! We are doing this for the sole purpose of renewing our vows. In fact, that is the hardest part of the whole planning is trying to think of a wording that actually gets a point across that we do NOT want gifts besides prayer and support for another blessed 10+ years! Right now, I'm open to suggestions, but some have suggested that we mark a charity for any contributions to be made to????

5) WHY?
Do you know that most people don't even remember their wedding vows, let alone repeat them in front of people ever again after their wedding. We feel like with the health that I've had and the prognosis as well as the trials we have been through, we need/want a reason to celebrate and THANK the people that are a blessing in our lives right now. We have so many family and friends right now that have helped us stay together and be a stronger couple. I have friends that are more of Christian sisters than the surface-level Facebook kind of friends that sometimes we don't even really know.

I want a day to rejoice for all we have been through- and its been a LOT. We conquered hatred, an early pregnancy, a sick baby, losing a job, moving, losing loved ones, and my ailing health. We have so many things to rejoice and celebrate such as our beautiful family, our blessings of friends, the marriage that God has given us and renewed in us. God has blessed us beyond what we deserve and we want to celebrate that with the people that have been with us the last few years to help us and watch this.

That being said, it is hurtful to know that there are many family (especially) and friends that are against us having our vow renewal. I know it is not something that is precedented in our family that I can remember. Maybe its not the traditional way of doing things. I've never had a drink at my wedding. Believe it or not- Shawn and I have NEVER shared a dance in the almost 10 years we have been married and I wanted this to be OUR dance. Not that we didn't have opportunities- but each wedding dance we attended it seems like one of us was dealing with kids or tired. :(

Another reason we feel so special is because this is our 10th Anniversary on August 10th and in case you missed it, but we try to celebrate the 10th of EVERY month with something special for our "anniversary". This year we feel is EXTRA special not just because of the special number 10, but because we have been reminded too many times over the past few years how incredibly short and special our life is. I don't know what else to do to have to rationalize or explain it to people that I would have thought would have been excited about this for us. Our kids are extremely excited for the party and we also thought it is a good time to say "see-you-laters" to our Riley friends.

Somehow, I don't really remember planning my first wedding but I remember how perfect it was. I know that Shawn and I worked about 5 jobs that summer between the two of us and we were determined to get married to live together. . . although we couldn't get married as soon as we would have preferred. I'm just tired of trying to defend this. So, if you'd like to be a naysayer. . . please just keep it to YOURSELF (not even sharing with my family!) and just maybe be happy for us that we have this happiness in our lives. You certainly do not have to attend or support us. We know our true supporters and that most of all is the Lord in whom we glorify and thank for this time.