WORDS

I am working on re-learning the blog code - so hang with me while I work on learning how to customize my header picture and layout to best suit our family and this blog's purpose. Last night, Shawn and I were having an argument and he said, "when we were dating, you said . . . ." I was so taken aback because that was 18 years ago and I can vaguely remember saying that phrase jokingly and ignorantly. But as I was contemplating this last night and how I wish I would have never said those words, even jokingly, I thought about how POWERFUL words are, and yet they can be powerless as well- it all depends on the person receiving those words and their identity in relation to Christ. Being mature and secure in your identity in Christ can give you POWER to receive words or to ignore words in your life. When I was a small child, a close relative lived close to my grade school so we would often visit after school and on holidays/summer breaks. It was a special time and usually much looked forward to. This person always made special meals for my siblings and I- special macaroni and cheese, graham crackers with chocolate frosting, delicious cookies, and about anything we asked them to make us. However, I remember words that changed the course of my life. Once or twice, this person told me (probably causally and not maliciously) to watch what I ate because I didn't want to grow up to be "fat." As a skinny youngster, I had no idea that I could become fat- it wasn't even something I had considered growing up. I grew up on a farm where we ate fresh beef, pork, chickens, fresh grown vegetables, homemade bread, etc. We didn't have words like paleo, gluten-free, keto, etc. But somehow the fear of being fat became ingrained within me at such a young age. By the time I was 12 I feared "fat" so much that I would starve myself little by little until my addiction to anorexia became full-blown and a severe battle for years that followed. The word "fat" carried so much fear in my little mind that I wrapped my identity on that. Fat determined if I was worthy of living or worthy of having friends, or worthy to have one more Oreo at a party. For so long, those words in my life almost killed me several times. It's a battle I have started to come to terms with and share more openly. Some words bring powerful hurt and destruction, but some words can be meaningless and unworthy of time. Sometimes people will say "how are you?" but really not care- these words are "common courtesies" and not really meant to be worth a full blown discussion. Sometimes words like "I'm sorry" don't mean much when the actions do not back up the words. Words like "I love you" can take a different meaning as humans warp the meaning of love. Words are important to God in our life- He shows the power of words by using simple words to breathe everything into existence- talk about POWER in words! Jesus BECAME The Word and dwelt among us. God didn't go into a length discourse about who and what He is- He used two very simple words: "I AM." He gives us much advise all throughout Scripture on the power in our words and harmful our tongue can be- using words of the POWER of LIFE or DEATH! Words can bring LIFE or DEATH- the power is up to the person receiving them. I am not trying to victim shame- quite the opposite, I am trying to help you understand that we are more than conquerors over lies, hurt, and deception that are spoken to us or said about us. If we allow those words to have power in our life, they can bring death. I experienced that very thing in my own life. I fought back from near-death many times because of words that I let have power in my mind and over my soul. Had I have had security and confidence in my self as a dear child of Christ, equipped for battle against the evil words of this world, I would have withstood those years much better. Alas, though, the lessons are learned. I try to speak gracefully to others and monitor my words as much as I can, but I'm a sinful human being and I've hurt so many more people than I know with my words. I have wallowed in grief over the hurt I may have caused in anger or vengeance. I would always tell myself- I will never speak to my kids like that. I will never talk about weight. I will never say . . . . But, I've failed. I'm sure I've said the things I swore I'd never say, plus things worse than that. I am remorseful for that and have repented from those errors. Instead of focusing simply on what I say or don't say, I want to also teach my family to stand strong in their identity in Christ. Ultimately, we can never control what is said to or about us, but when we believe the Truth and stand upon His word, our feet are steady against the storm.

Back to Blogging. . . hopefully

In the fall of 2000, my first year in college (don't judge), I was in English Comp and our instructor gave us an assignment to write a 20-25 page paper of one thing: "What are you burning to tell the world?" It almost sounded like a teen girls sleepover game of truth or dare, but really, I had a pretty normal life growing up so I didn't really feel like I had a message I was "burning" to tell the world, especially one that would be a good 20+ pages long. As the weeks went by a rough draft was due and I figured I probably should come up with something to say. I realized I had something so deep and dark, like a baby tiger in a mesh-netted baby play pen. It seemed harmless and contained but within a few strikes could tear open and burst out. This was terrifying as well as liberating feeling for me as I sat at my computer to start writing. Within a few hours I had around 30 pages. I realized in my 18 short years of life, I had learned MANY lessons and harbored so many secrets. It was time to release the "tiger" and share my story. I think that I am about ready to publicly share some of my story. I think some of my excerpts from that "book" will be shared and my testimony of God's redemption through it all. I started this blog so long ago- before so many of my friends and family had social media and blogs were the way to share. It wasn't that I was seeking a lot of followers- I actually limit those in social media and downsize quite often. I mainly wanted a way to chronicle my family's events and show how God is working in each and every one of our lives. This is a personal/family blog. I do not intend to advertise and make money from this. My skills definitely do not warrant that nor do I want that attention and pressure. I wear my heart on my sleeve- which is often quite a bad thing and one that I'm working to hide a little better in my reactions toward hurtful events. I don't sugarcoat or minimize what we go through because I know that no matter what we go through, God is working in and through us. In my posts you will see our vulnerabilities and our growth spots. We are a real family, with dirty dishes in the sink, drawers left half open, cat hair on the couch, and cobwebs in the corners. I used to have energy to live a frantic life of keeping up with appearances of trying to do it all and be everything for my family. In the years and with my illness, the wisdom has come to me to slow down and savor the moments with my family. That's why photos posted will more than likely have a pile of laundry in the background, scratches on a wall, photos in frames misaligned (and way outdated), and many other things that you can spot and realize I'm not out to compete for mother of the year. I love to read . . . and I hope to give some amazing book recommendations (again, not for any type of compensation). I love to craft, sew, and bake. I might share a recipe or two here and there- who knows. Shawn and I love working together to serve God by serving others. It is exhilarating to hear God speak to us as we walk in obedience to His calling in our lives. We have hearts that are so compassionate for the least of these- those that are hurting, the orphans, widows, and those that have had rough lives. I hope to share some stories of God's work, but while still protecting the privacy and dignity of those involved. We are so thankful to be God's vessels and I hope through our example many more people can see how God uses simple, ordinary people to fulfill His purpose.