Merry Christmas Eve!

Today we officially got our wills signed! Yeah, I know. It sounds so morbid, but had to be done. We also had a little bit of Christmas shopping to do, so were happy that some of our stores were open today so we could get that done. I mainly sat in the van while Shawn ran into the stores. I woke up thinking it would be a wonderful day since I could breathe and as soon as I stepped out of bed, I made it to our kitchen before my heart was racing and I was out of breath! So, shopping was VERY difficult today and I am starting to just plain be worn out entirely. I am trying my hardest to keep my energy level up so I can make this an amazing holiday for my boys. I would HATE to ruin any part of it for them because I'm being a bummer mom. Thankfully, my mom, brother, and sister have been terrific at helping me with them so far. And. . . Shawn is the most amazing husband ever! I go in Monday to have an ECHO done on my heart. I'm about terrified at what it could possibly be, but right now, I just don't even care what it is as long as I can start breathing better and live again. I feel as if it's worsened daily, so am not sure what I'll feel like on Monday! Day by day. . . minute by minute. . . second by second. . . . the Lord will give me the strength I need.

On a better note, we got a phone call last evening telling us that there was a string tied to Zach's front tooth and what should they do. (He was at Grandma's. Oh how I wish my mom didn't have to be so 'old-fashioned' sometimes. Pulling teeth gives me the creeps.) I said, "well, I guess if it gets pulled there, then the tooth fairy has to visit there." Uncle Rylan said, "well, he asked for ten thousand cents!" I said, "Holy cow! That's WAY more than he was asking for with the last tooth. He only asked for $20 for that one (which he didn't even get close to that amount!). Now he wants $100????" Rylan was quiet and then he said, "No. . . that's only $10." I said, look at the numbers again Rylan. Then, it was really quiet and he said, "holy cow (he used another word)! That kid is SMART! He's gonna make the tooth fairy broke!" I said, yep, only if he's around a guillable tooth fairy that isn't up on the going price of lost teeth! :) So, I can't wait to see my toothless boy that all he wants for Christmas is his 2 front teeth. Its so perfect! :)

Appointments today

I'm off to bed now at about 5pm. The meds they switched me to today are making me exhausted. Thank goodness Shawn knows medical stuff and the right questions to ask. He is such an amazing husband. The doctor today reviewed all the test results and went over new info. He gave me another medicine that should help immediately with anxiety so we could rule that out. It was AWFUL. I still couldn't breath, almost worse than before AND then I realized why he gave it to me. . . I have a tendency to freak out a bit when serious health conditions are mentioned about what I have, based on the studies so far. We have more tests scheduled Monday and they are again leaning for it being more of my heart and a more serious issue that I have yet to research. . . that is when I'm coherent to read all this jumble. I go back again in the morning and have Friday off, but then return on Monday for more tests and hopefully some final results or on to more extensive testing.

Its so hard to get into the holiday spirit. I have so much to do right now- baking cookies for Santa, celebrating holiday traditions and I'm not even strong enough right now to handle all 3 of my children. Its taking a bit of an emotional toll as I'm worried about the snow storm coming in and how I'll get all my children home in time to experience Christmas without me being the cause of them "missing" it for a couple days. I feel so selfish and like I'm taking too much away from them and it breaks my heart (but that's not what's wrong with it!). haha. I miss my children immensely and crave their attention and joy that they bring me. I also am terrified of having them all 3 around and not being able to be the mom that I usually am to them. Its really weighing heavily on me right now. This is not normal for me to be this exhausted and wiped out. Please keep praying for me and my family. We truly appreciate it!

Update today- While I have a computer!

This morning, I'm exhuasted to put it lightly! Zach's still sleeping in, thank goodness and Malachi and Logan are still with Brady and Jarin in KC. I didn't sleep worth a darn with the steriods I was on but the pain medicine tried to kick in and override the stimulating effects of the steriods, so I felt jittery, but sleepy all night. I finally woke up at 4:15 and decided enough was enough. I tried to get up to go to the restroom, but started to have shortness of breathe again just from the tiny walk there! URGH!

As a bit of unimportant, boring history. . . I've had trouble breathing for a few weeks now. It mainly gets worse when I walk or exercise (in some sort- no I don't have time for regular "exercise"). I noticed it for sure when I was out Christmas shopping with Shawn a few weeks ago. I felt like I was constantly having to yawn to be able to breathe enough air. The shallow breaths were just not getting me by without feeling dizzy or light-headed. So, as I worked and walked down the hallways, I would notice how short of breath I was. So, I knew that over Christmas break I'd be tweaking some meds and figuring out what to do about it all. I was just hoping to start all that next week rather than immediately after I got home last night.

Shawn called my doctor yesterday. He was concerned and just wanted peace of mind. We did just get our nice life insurance policies and he told me, "As much as the money would be wonderful, I don't want a single bit of it- I'd rather wake up tomorrow morning with you." (Ah. . . so sweet, huh!?) :) So, the dr. told Shawn that I needed to head into the hospital for a variety of tests and some meds. I got home and told him that it wasn't as urgent as he thought, and I'd just wait (stubborn as I am). I kept having trouble breathing, with just as little as walking across my house or even our kitchen (which seriously are NOT huge at all). So, I called my dr. to see if I could just make an appt. for a few days to come in and figure it out. I thought I'd rest easier knowing I had an appt coming up sooner. But, he again stressed my need to go into the hospital, so reluctantly I did. I kinda figured it was a good time anyway since Brady already had Logan and Malachi and so Zachary would be fine with Shawn and I.

So, we went in. I was immediately put in a trauma room and started on tests. It was a whirlwind of stuff, but they did rule out asthma, a pulmonary embolism (blood clot), and pneumonia. My blood results came back abnormal, so they gave me a lot of potassium (yuck- made me sick) and also some prednisone (again, YUCK!!!) and something else I can't think of. They also ruled out heart burn (the cocktail to test that was awful too). They did throw out some other things that it could be and I'm a little skeptical about them, but right now I just don't care so much what it is, I just want to be able to breathe again and keep up with my kids!

I'm wearing the Holter monitor today for my heart. It will show a 24 hour heart rates and I have to chart everything I'm doing. I have a dr appointment this afternoon and Thursday morning. Hopefully this weather will hold off until after that. Right now, I'm just exhausted, sore, tired, and ready to have energy and "life" again! I'm very thankful I'm on vacation now and have the time to do these dr appointments. I am kinda kicking myself for not keeping all my follow-up's with my cardio-pulmonary dr. because I didn't want to take any more time off work. So. . . I guess its all catching back up with me now!

My boys should return home tonight. Logan has been keeping me laughing with his funny sayings that my brother's texted me. I miss my cuddles from Malachi. It sounds like the boys are having fun and my sister and brother and brother-in-law are enjoying them! :)

Prayer please

Tonight, I watched Zachary and Shawn color and have some bonding time while I laid in a hospital bed. The doctor referred me over to the hospital and when I got there they ran a bunch of tests. We're still not sure what's going on. The blood tests came back abnormal and my heart is also suggesting abnormal rhythms. We're not sure what it all means. I knew my break would more than likely be filled with doctor appointments, but did not plan on it starting like this. I do covet your prayers. They gave my potassium, some steriods, a shot of pain reliever, and some other sort of medicine that tasted awful! I also have a holter heart monitor for the next 24 hours, so will check back with the doctors Wednesday and thursday.

Zach's Date Book

In an effort to get our act together and actually grow up, ya know. . . now that we have kids and all. . . Shawn and I applied (and qualified) for some nice life insurance to get us through until we no longer need it. We've been following Dave Ramsey's financial advice and are well on our way to being debt free in close to 2 years except for our house, which might take another 5 at the most (if all goes right. . . but knowing our luck). Its very exciting, to say the least to think about what we can do with our money by saving, spending, and most importantly GIVING! But, for right now, we're making sure our adult responsibilies are taken care of in the unlikely event that something awful might happen. We also got a lawyer (my friend's daughter that just recently graduated from law school) and are almost to finalize our will for should a time come that would need that. . . and it will. . . one of these days.

Anyway, back to the title of the post- while we were conversing with our insurance lady, who so generously (*cough, cough*) drove many hours to get to our house on a couple of occasions, she brought us some freebies from the company for doing business with them. So, really, they're not really "freebies" persay, but nonetheless, I didn't refuse them. I decided to give Zachary a date book as well as Logan. I already have my professional/personal planner for 2010, so I didn't need this miniature one. I have way too much to do anyway than would fit in this tiny little planner! (excuse the awful scratches on our piano from the cats at my mom's house- which is where the piano used to reside)

So. . . I had no idea what was in store for me tonight when I picked Zachary up from daycare. I told him that I had a wonderful surprise- his two little brothers would be taking a trip to KC to spend with their aunt so that Zachary could spend some quality time with us! (I didn't want it to sound like a punishment that he couldn't go because he still had one more day of school so kinda HAD to remain at home!) He was giggly and excited. Then he said, "Mommy, what day is today?" I replied that it is Monday, the 21st. He said, "That's awesome, Mom! You know why? Because I have a lot of plans for us tonight!" (little did I know) "Mommy, tonight is our movie night and we also need to get a little bit of cleaning done." (I do like the responsibility of housework incorporated into a busy schedule.) I just thought it was funny that he had planned this a few weeks ago when he first got this planner. He went through and started making plans/dates/events. . . .so, the rest of the year will be quite a surprise for us. I do see he has Christmas cookies on the list to do this week. Hmmm . . . . .

Dog Tired!

This was Malachi the afternoon of our Thanksgiving get together in western KS:

If you look closely, you can see 3 sleeping babies on the 2 couches:

This is what I felt like today! I told Shawn tonight- NO MATTER WHAT! No matter how big of a fit I throw, how grouchy I get, how grumpy and irritable I become. . . .DO NOT let me take another nap on a day before school! I was up until about midnight last night just wide awake, thinking "BRAIN WOULD YOU JUST SHUT OFF!?" Yep, it doesn't work, ya know. So. . . today I was dragging through the day, piecing on a few bits of chocolate and snacks. It also didn't help that I overslept so forgot my meds and that made me even more exhausted today and having trouble breathing and keeping up with my day. URGH! So, I'm making a resolution- (yes, before New Years) that NO MATTER WHAT- there will be NO napping from me on an afternoon before school- even if the screaming houligans quiet down, bless their hearts!

Last night, as you saw, we had the church Christmas program. The babysitter called to warn me that the ick had hit her house. She was on the mend, but her poor kids were battling the awful, hard-hitting flu. So, I decided that my kids didn't need to be in that environment right now before Christmas and all our travels we have planned. So. . . they stayed home with Uncle Brady today. I LOVE my brother!!!!

Church Christmas Program

Tonight was the Christmas Program at church. Zachary was a shepherd.

Logan was an innkeeper.

I have to be a bit biased and say that they were both looking pretty spiffy!

My adorable cherubs:

And, a picture of the holiday baking we did Friday night and Saturday. Sugar cookies, peanut clusters, peanut butter balls, chocolate dipped oreos, pre-packaged sugar cookies, and caramel pecan sticky rolls, and caramels.