ADD, Zach, and CFS

Since this post mainly only has pictures of my oldest baby boy, now 7 years young, I thought it'd be appropriate to put a little bit of a statement out there for him and to him.

Mr. Zachary:

You do not read this blog right now because I monitor your computer time, and also because I think you could care less about "mommy's" blog than you do about your Webkins and other internet kid games. So, I feel that its safe to say that when you do read this (at a much older age), you won't be surprised by what I am telling you and you might actually admit that mommy can be right.

Sweetie, we love you and know that God has a mighty future set forth for you. Your opportunities can be endless. I am excited by how incredibly intelligent you are and how I can talk to you like an adult. You amaze me in that sense. I just don't get how your little brain can comprehend some things that I even have trouble grasping.

That being said, dear. . . . you have been driving me NUTS lately with your terrible misbehavior. I know you want undivided attention, but it never seems enough for you. You are very decieving and lie to us often. Sometimes you discount how smart and tricky I can be. (I could make a great private investigator.) Daddy and I just feel like we shouldn't have to do that. We want to have a relationship with you that you can be honest and communicate with us without feeling inadequate or belittled. I don't know what's going on. I am not even sure your counselors understand. We all are trying to help you, but you are making it incredibly difficult.

And, I can't say that I didn't see it coming either because, Zachary, you are a splitting-image, carbon copy of my young days, except for the fact that I was ornery/misbehaved at school. I took out my anger and frustration at school. I wanted life to be different for you. I didn't want you to grow up thinking you had to be perfect and have such anger when you fail or make mistakes. You are always perfect to us and to God, who gave you to us. Please know that we are trying . . . . down to the last ounce of patience. . . .we won't give up. Zachary, you have a tender, sweet heart and I know you are sensitive to the needs of others and you have the anger of a hungry, caged tiger. Trust me, sweetie, I know. And, I'm here for you. . . . or at least trying to be.

We're praying. We're hoping. And we're confident that in faith that God will bring comfort to your soul and you can live free from the devil's grip of perfectionism and anger. We'll get there. I promise and I will be there every step of the way. By the time you read this though, it will be a mere hindsight.

Love,
Mom
P.S. I think you are the most adorable ever in your Jayhawk gear. Thanks for making my day when I wanted to play photo shoot!








ADD- Its what I like to call my brain fog. I can't remember ANYTHING! I can't focus very long on anything particular. I can't sit still very long without getting fidgety and wanting to change positions. I am not a patient person. I want results NOW! I will start a conversation and then forget what I was talking about altogether. Post-It notes have been a God-send lately. I tell everyone that I make a date with- REMIND ME or COME GET ME! In all seriousness, I feel like I'm losing my mind! The more fatigued I am, the worse the brain fog is. Its like my brain is not connecting like it should. I start talking and the words don't come out right or are sometimes incomprehendible. I'm good at making people laugh when that happens. There is definitely no more multi-tasking! I used to be the QUEEN of multi-tasking, even getting upset with the fact that Shawn didn't multi-task, but now, I'm luck to complete one task before I get side-tracked or distracted by another obstacle.

CFS. . . .Oh, I have a BUNCH more to write about that, but tonight I'm exhausted and need to call it a day. I've been reading a lot of literature and books that I'd ordered and I want to share so much information for anyone that wonders. I've certainly learned so much already. And most importantly, I know that I WILL overcome it! I WILL recover, even if its not completely fully, I WILL get there because I'm determined. I'm too young to feel like this! Thanks for the prayers. Today was a wonderful day. I felt like smiling most of the day and I had energy. Tomorrow. . . .as tradition would have it would be a crashing day. I have a VERY busy week, so don't have time for crashing. Please pray faithfully that God would provide a miracle and give me complete healing. I have learned to pray big and expect nothing less!