Choices

Currently, I've been spending a lot of time . . . . resting. I started a "symptom journal" so I could track my good days and bad days. I hope its helpful and I hope I can focus on the "good" parts of my day. I appreciate the prayers. Right now, I wish I could say that things had greatly improved, but I am taking it little by little. I did make it to church today- dizzy and lightheaded, but still nonetheless there.

I've read a bunch of great devotional books lately, but the one I currently decided to pick up and read (it'd been sitting in my pile for awhile now of books I should get to) is "8 Choices That Will Change a Woman's Life". The excerpt to it is here: Based on the wisdom of the book of James, this book offers simple guidelines for life's complex choices. You can choose to have a life that is happy, blessed and pleasing to God. These qualities are within your grasp, but you will have choices to make. It's up to you. This insightful book will give you the tools you need to make choices that will change your life--for good!

The first chapter is about the choice of "pain". I never knew that was a choice before, so I enjoyed reading about it and understanding that although I physically am in pain, I have a joy that exceeds that because I have a heavenly Father that will heal me. We have a choice to RESIST pain or to USE it. Its not a choice to have it or not. Because would that even really be a choice? James says (based on the Phillips version)- "When the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don't try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, ful and complete." (James 1:3-4)

I have mentioned MANY times on here that I very much lack the virtue of patience. After reading this first chapter, I wondered if God is telling me to slow down, and work in His time rather than MY time. I want to be healed NOW today, yesterday, but NOW. He says, "there is a reason and someday you will understand, but for now, have patience and faith." So, I'm trying to learn to be patient. Honestly, I am so worn out, I almost have no choice but to be patient because I feel too exhausted to do anything but that. But, I am not so sure that patience=rest. So, that is an issue I will be further exploring and meditating in God's word to understand what it is that I should do and what path is right for me at this point in my journey toward healing.

Basically, our doctors are kinda at the end of their ropes as well with this disease and not sure what to do. Thankfully, they have the bed-side, wise manner to tell us that and be open to other sources of information. We mentioned the Mayo clinic but it was doubtful that they would have many other treatment options. So, we are leaning toward the Cleveland Clinic or Vanderbilt Medical. I need to do more research and exploring on both of those, and also try to understand what would be best and how much more energy to exert on finding a "cure" or better symptom management. From the tons of articles (some even med articles that were practically in latin!) it is discouraging that there would be much better of a prognosis especially with the category of POTS that I have and the severity of it already. Part of me wants to accept the 'truths' as I find time after time that this is a dehabilitating and very disabling disease, but another part of me is still a bit in denial and trying to reach out in hope that I could possibly have been misdiagnosed or a rare case that does in fact find resolution in my ailments. I'm praying and I'm trusting and I have hope. Jesus died for my sins and for my healing.

Here are a few of the last pictures from Easter at my mom & dad's house:
The 5 cousins:

Malachi was in a BAD mood!


Who wants candy???? :)


Not sure who was pulling on Taige! :)



Thank you for the continued prayers and support. It means so much to me and my family right now.