Happy Birthday My Love!

Dear Shawn,

I want to wish you a very special Happy Birthday today. Its your very last birthday before you turn the big 3-0!

This is the 9th birthday I've celebrated with you and every day together, I'm so thankful for the blessing you are in my life.

You are a one-of-a-kind man that I'm so thankful to call my husband. You have always been so determined, purposeful, and persistant in following your dreams. When I met you, I was so impressed at how big your dreams were. You knew exactly what you wanted and I'm so thankful that you choose me to help you fulfill those dreams along side of you!


One of my proudest moments for you was watching you overcome many obstacles to be able to graduate college. Many doubted and second-guessed, but you were determined to succeed and nothing would get in the way of that.



You helped me in rebeling against my parents. . . well, sorta. I was kinda already good at that on my own! :)






You choose a saphire as my engagement/promise ring because it mean loyalty. It wasn't traditional and neither is our relationship. I've never met someone so loyal and trustworthy. You have stood by me through times and trials when it would have been so much easier to run the other direction or choose the path of least resistance. We then choose our marriage rings together, with the 3 crosses on them, to symbolize our triad of the relationship between us and strengthened in our Christian faith.


In the past 9 years together, we experienced so many joys, pains, celebrations and sorrows. You have been an amazing rock for me through those times, an unfaltering, solid foundation in our marriage that helps to keep us both grounded in the faith we share. We've shed many tears through the loss of our grandparents and other special family members. Life has become so much more precious to us as we start to realize that our timing is is God's hands and we need to make the most of each day we're given.

Some of the most special times we've had are our Christmases together. Although, I'm not sure we've ever exchanged gifts, we are always so excited to give others gifts and try to focus on that during our holidays. Someday, I'm hoping we'll feel a little less guilty in spending on ourselves. Until then, we've enjoyed our family times during the holiday seasons.

Throughout the years, I've endured many of your "animal-loving" days, as you've promised me (like a kid) that you'll take care of the animals, etc. We would have never have had kids if they looked at our track record with animals! :) Despite it all though, you are a wonderful pet-owner and pet-lover. . . just a little lacking on patience at times.

You've been the most amazing husband to me and father to our children.

You've also taken quite a role in inspiring my little brothers.

My most proudest moments with you have been to watch you become a father, 3 times now. The way you handle and care for each of our babies was something to be in awe of. You were almost a natural and right away an amazing daddy to them. Our boys are certainly lucky to have such a wonderful daddy.

Here you are on the first day you became a daddy (and we won't mention much about the first night you were a daddy and the wonderful sleep you got while your wife was desparately trying to get a little assistance in her hospital bed):



Becoming a daddy for the second time. And this time just as special as you were a solid foundation for me as I worried about Logan's health and what was to come in our future.



Here you are with Malachi:





So, today, you are 29 beautiful years old and I just wanted to know that there is no one else I'd rather be on this journey with than you. Happy Birthday dear! :)

Supraventricular Tachycardia aka SVT

Cardio report today. . . (drum roll please) . . . . I have Supraventricular Tachycardia, also known as SVT. I'm not all that well-versed in it, but I know that I shall become so soon enough. I am quite familiar with it from my lurking on McMama's blog and reading about Stellan's ordeal with it, but NEVER would have thought that it would be something I'd be dealing with.

Basically, I've had SVT for a long time, but its just been rearing its ugly head lately. My heart is firing too many electrical responses and not giving my heart time to fill up with blood before it beats again, thus the lack of oxygen and shortness of breath. The cardio dr. also said my heart isn't letting down at night as much either, which is a double whammy, and why I'm sooo just utterly wiped out. So, we're upping the meds to about 100-150 depending on what I can handle and what helps the best. He said that we don't want to go too much over 150-200 because if I'm having that much trouble, than we need to look into having an abalation done.

Uhm. . . .I can't remember what else was said and discussed this morning. I've had an awful tiring morning. My heart rate jumped 40 bpm after getting out of bed and as I got the 3 boys out the door. When I got home at 8am, I feel asleep IMMEDIATELY and slept until 10:15am when I needed to get out the door for my appointment. I'm hoping the upping of the meds will help to ease my breathing issues as well as make it easier for me to not be as tired. I do feel a bit relieved just having a diagnosis finally though. Its been a LONG journey. . . but my hearts been running a marathon while I've been searching for answers.

Ok. I'm off for a well-deserved nap and then some time to figure out how I'm going to make it to/through work the next few days. Keep praying please! :)

How Low Can I Go?

Today has been. . . . uhm . . . a solid 2 of a day. I've been trying to keep my spirits high despite how awful I feel. I apologize upfront, right away for anyone that called today and got to experience my extreme grouchiness (that includes you, Mom). Last night started off on a bit higher of meds to lower my blood pressure. That really flipped my heart out and it would beat REALLY fast (incredibly fast!!!) and then almost drop off to wear Shawn and I couldn't quite detect a pulse. It was so sporadic it was frightening and it was hard to catch my breath and figure out what to do. Honestly, we should have gone into the hospital, but with 3 children in bed and the stubborness that I possess. . . .I tried to sleep it off. I didn't sleep worth a darn. I was extremely hot (which is very uncommon) and irritable (okay, that's a little more common for me- jk!). :)

This morning started off alright. My boys let me stay in bed until 8:30am and after that, it ALL went down hill. After I got out of bed, I started to have a migraine. So, I called my dr to see what to do and what was going on. They decided that I probably needed to up my meds yet again and rest. Hmmmm . . . .Rest???? With 3 children???? Yeh, right! Shawn talked with the cardiologist this morning and he was shocked that they didn't schedule me sooner, so he walked down to his department and within a few minutes, his secretary was calling Shawn to get me in tomorrow.

While I was on the phone with the doctors and hospital, I had Malachi shut in our backroom, playing contently with Zachary and Logan. The first time I checked on them, he'd knocked over a floor lamp and shattered glass everywhere. We got that all cleaned up (as best you can out of carpet) and I proceeded to take one more phone call in as silent of a room as I could. When I returned, Malachi had raided my sewing machine drawers and was chasing Suzie with pins to try to poke her! Its a wonder that child hasn't given me a heart attack by now!

Tonight, I'm beyond exhaustion and that's being put lightly! My legs are literally asleep, hands are numb (which makes for fun typing) and heart rate and blood pressure EXTREMELY low. I won't be returning to work tomorrow as I will go to my doctor appointment and I'm sure just that trip will exhaust me (after getting the boys to daycare and school before that). I'm hoping beyond hope that they can soon figure out what's going on. But, for now, I'm headed to bed . . . for the night. . . at 4:30pm! Going to catch a quick bite for supper, take the massive amounts of meds I'm now on and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Did I also mention I had a 22 month old that refused to take a nap and participated in my grouchy day with me!? :) Yes, he was the utmost grouchy companion I've had for the day.

Where There's a Will. . .

Today. . . is another difficult day. I think my attitude is getting grumpy or something but after trying to make it to (and through) church, I was EXHAUSTED and came home to sleep for 3 hours! Just getting 3 kids ready for church (baths, showers, clothes, etc.) and getting out the door and walking the short distance from the car to the church really did me in. I had awful trouble breathing and my back hurt so much. I just wanted to go back home and crawl into bed, but I was determined to get through it because I need to make one goal this year, right!? :)

Malachi was a mess through church this morning, and if I had a bit more energy, I probably should have gotten up and taken him to a different room, but instead. . . he was a grouchy boy. Chili was stewing on the stove when we got home from church and it was wonderfully delicious. We ALL took naps this afternoon, but I didn't so much notice as I hit the sack almost immediately after I consumed a bowl of chili.

I'm debating whether or not to head in to the dr. tomorrow. Part of me wants to start getting more strength and start being able to breathe better. But then again, I'm a little pessimistic that they'll do anything until my cardio appt on Thursday. I am just starting to stress a tad bit about returning to school. I am determined to make it and I'm planning to make it back, but my body tells me a different story. I get exhausted sooo easily. I'm nervous about possibly passing out or something while I'm at school. I'm nervous about the prep and travel to daycares and school. But, I'm trying to put that aside right now and give it all up to God. He will give me the strength I need and I need to learn how to trust in him more.

Here is Malachi's "brunch" (he's been eating like a little toad!!!). Shawn is great about spoiling our kids, huh? :)

Zachary wanted a mo-hawk today:

And. . . Logan . . . . enough said:

Sleepy Day

Today, I made a valiant effort to stay up all day. I'm trying to practice having strength for when I got back to teaching. I'm hoping that when Tuesday gets here that I'll magically have strength to accomplish a full work day. I was confused on my doses of medicine- go figure! I have been on so much that its almost scary to think how confused I was. I thought the dr. gave me 20mg pills to start with- starting with 1/2 pill and working my way up. Well, tonight, when I was checking the bottle, I was taking 50mg pills, and so took 100mg yesterday! It certainly helped me to breathe better, but there's such a fine line right now regulating my heart rate without my blood pressure getting too low. So, I'm sooooo exhausted and worn out from little to no work. I tried to just take 1 pill tonight (so the 50mg) and am still having a hard time catching my breath. I'm praying that soon I'll get used to this medicine and be able to have some strength back. I miss playing with my boys- rolling on the floor, giving them airplane rides, beating them at the Wii Fit, and so on. This has been a very exhausting winter break, even though I've spent much of it in bed!

Brady took Zachary and Logan to Manhattan to watch The Princess and the Frog. I hear it was a great movie. They enjoyed McDonald's afterwards. Malachi and I enjoyed much needed rest time while the other boys were in Manhattan. And, Shawn. . . .well. . . I haven't seen much of him since I bought him his birthday present- the New Mario Brothers Wii game.

Tomorrow, my goal is to make it to church. Maybe if I just focus on 1 thing at a time I can be more successful at reaching those goals! :)

Have a warm evening!

Running a Marathon

Back when I ran cross country, I always thought it'd be a blast to run a marathon. Now, I'm slightly re-thinking that. A bit of a confession.. . yesterday was supposed to be my 1st (in MANY MANY MANY years) day without a can of Pepsi. And. . . I drank 3 cans of pop! YIKES! I am not sure when the last time was that I'd drank so much. I just craved it SOOOO bad and well, it was there, nice and cold, with the Sonic ice to munch on as well. It did a number to me though. And, I did give Shawn a disclaimer that I didn't expect him to feel sorry for me this time because I kinda did it to myself by knowingly drinking the pop. Still, though, I was a mess last night. Even with the higher doses of Toprol XL, I was still having a fast heart rate. So, the dose was upped yet again and I finally got to sleep around midnight.

I was up and going at 4:30am this morning. YIKES! I told myself yesterday that I needed to practice staying up and awake all day long so I was ready to head back to school. I'm so undecided whether I should enjoy these last few days and stock up on all the rest that I can or if I really should practice getting my body used to the rigorous life of a teacher again! Hmmmm . . . so, I'm just taking it one step at a time, trying to get through the day as awake and alert as I can. I'm not sure if its a side-effect of the beta-blocker, but my eyes just BURN so badly, which makes me feel like I constantly need to close them. My body is also extremely fatigued, although I am getting a little stronger. I can now do some housework without feeling like I've been smashed into a brick wall. I tire easily though and do notice that if I push myself, my heart rate will get higher. I check my pulse every so often, and even doing light stuff, sometimes it will still reach the 130s.

As you can see, I'm awful at New Year's Resolutions. I do plan to give up caffiene though. I'm determined, but just not as motivated as I'd like to be right now. Another resolution is to be more active in church and not let ourselves make silly excuses about missing. Sure, our boys are a handful sometimes and it is a hassle to get them out the door, but too often, we've taken the easy route of having just one more lazy weekend day at home rather than teach our children the discipline of going to church and enjoying fellowship with others. So. . . .we'll see how tomorrow goes. My track records already a little smeared for this year and we're only the 2nd day in! :)

Here is a picture of Brady with Logan and Malachi when they went to KC a few weeks ago, before Christmas.

Happy New Year 2010!

The boys certainly tried to ring in the new year with Shawn last night. I headed to bed a little before 8pm and I heard that Malachi crashed at 10:30, Zachary at 11:30 and Logan. . . we're not sure he even sleeps! :)

We've made a few New Year's Resolutions. Some involve our relationship, some about our finances, and also a few with our kids. I know the more you make, the more apt you are to fail at one or several, but hey, why not strive for wonderful things in all areas of your life!? :)

As for an update on me (for those of you praying): Yesterday was difficult. I was trying to get some light house cleaning done (nothing strenous) and it was exhausting! I had a very difficult time breathing and catching my breath. I sort of wanted to test my theory about caffeine use and craved a Pepsi like crazy, so I had one for lunch with my homemade bierock. The Pepsi sure enough did me in. The rest of the afternoon, I was MISERABLE (besides being excited to get Zach and Logan back). I had a hard time catching my breath and was just down right exhausted. So, I've made 1 new year's resolution a bit reluctantly and grudgingly to give up caffine use (except for a bit of chocolate in my day). I started off on the beta-blocker at 10mg and it didn't do much at all, so they said to double it and have 20mg. Today, I'm on 40mg and it's helping, but I'm EXTREMELY lightheaded and dizzy. But. . . . I CAN BREATHE!!!! I'm praying that I can get at least back down to 20mg to manage it there, but I'll just have to deal if I don't. I'm very anxious about my cardio appt and wondering what they'll tell me or what I can do to get my strength back and have a normal life. Right now, I feel in a bit of a haze as I sleep a majority of the day because this medicine is making me soooo light-headed and woozy feeling. But, I can breathe, so there is definitely an advantage to taking it. I just am nervous about staying awake all day on this medicine so I can teach. I only have 4 days to get it figured out!!!! YIKES!!! I also need to get some strength back because my hands are still really shaky and I'm not sure of my energy level to get 3 children out the door in the mornings. But, we'll take it day by day. Today is off to a good start. We're looking forward to a healthy new year! :)