Frustration

Today was a very difficult day. I'm not even sure where to start at and I'm not sure exactly how much you even want to hear. I've been trying hard to stay positive. I've been hoping for the best in this situation but so far have yet to experience that. Last night, I went to bed with hives (huge red welts) all over my groin area. I thought it might have been from the iodine that they spattered all over (thinking they would be making an incision in both groins rather than just the one). I did get most of it scrubbed off after I got home but didn't know if it was still affecting that area. Unfortunately, I couldn't use Benedryl or the Benedryl cream we had because the pharmacist said that it would interfere with the Toprol. So, I took some Tylanol (the only pain meds I can take without zonking out) and tolerated the hives. Today, I took the Band-Aid off the incision since I think its starting to scab over and. . . what do you know- HUGE red sore under my band-aid adhesive area!!!! And, after it was off a little while the hives suddenly disappeared. hmmmm... .. So, I take that as a sure sign that I am allergic to the adhesive. I told them in the hospital about what happened when I wore the 2nd Holter and how it welted all over my abdomen. They were sure that the monitor they put on me would not affect me. Sure enough- I broke out all over my abdomen and sides and STILL have the welts from those adhesive patches. URGH!

I can't breathe worth a darn. They took me off the Toprol and put me back on it, so I'm on 25 in the morning and 25 at night and its like getting used to it all over again! I'm sure my body is hating me right now! I'm praying so hard that this will soon get better. The doctor said not to expect any or very much improvement because more than likely it won't get better until the 2nd ablation, which will be considered after my 6 week check-up. He said he had to burn several spots in my heart and that it was really 'ticked off' so would try to re-create those electrical connections and thus be flipping out for awhile. He said it was almost the same as having a burn from an iron and would throb and hurt for awhile to create the scar tissue and cut off the electrical currents that were creating the tachycardia.

Right now, I'm not sure what to believe. I can't breathe worth a darn. I am more frustrated than I can even explain. Shawn is gone and he's my strong one to lean on when I just want to break down. My boys have exhausted me and I am HORRIBLE at asking for help! I want to speed up the healing process and just start feeling better because I'm soooo sick of how much time has wasted away while I've laid in bed being miserable. I try to hold perspective that I am much better off health-wise than many others, but sometimes it doesn't hold much water when I am struggling to catch my breath from a mundane task such as walking across my house. I've read sooo many devotional books and inspirational books that make me grateful, hopeful, purposeful, but not as much patient.

I'm praying tomorrow will be a better day. I'm going to try to return to work and make it through the day on NO pain meds! Shawn is enjoying warmer weather in TX but he is bored out of his mind. I am very envious of the relaxation he's having (whether he likes it or not) but I know that he truly deserves this break. He is very homesick (or at least does a great job portraying it on the phone) and we also miss him terribly. He said his class is really good and he's already been learning a lot of great information that will help him on his board exam. I think he will sit for that in March. His hotel is right by the class. We tried to choose one that was the best fit based on cost, number of stars, cleanliness, and customer reviews. Although its a nice hotel, he said its in a bad part of town, so I worry a little about him getting to and from class (although he only drives a couple blocks I think). Please pray for his safety. I'm also praying that Saturday will get here much much much faster.